I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
