He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
