White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Houston, we have a squirter
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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