Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
