I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
