She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i love accidental penises.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize