VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
