am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
