My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
