Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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