I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
