Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
