I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
whose parrot is this?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
