it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
