And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize