Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
