Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
