Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize