Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
