He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
