Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
