It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
