Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found the puke drawer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize