See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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