if only i could text you this smell
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
