# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize