you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize