You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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