Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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