cat food counts as protein by the way
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
