I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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