God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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