I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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