so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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