Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
