how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they're like a gay fantastic four
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
