He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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