Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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