I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
