I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
