did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize