belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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