Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
