The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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