dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
