smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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