batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
