im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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