Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
