I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
