I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
