And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
