My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize