Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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