It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
