I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
