how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
