I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize