I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
