I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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