goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
