I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
