so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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