i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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