Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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