All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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