he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
two words...techno handjob
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
