We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
