He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
