Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
