Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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