Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
