I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just google imaged poop.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
