apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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