I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
